I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont even know how to be here
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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