i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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