Me too!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
