On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
