Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
