somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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