He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
