you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
did i walk over a car last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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