I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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