The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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