I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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