He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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