Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize