New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
