I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
