You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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