I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
