Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
