All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
