she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize