What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
