the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
