I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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