I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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