So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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