I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
