just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
