i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
