no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
