Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
