dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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