will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
