How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
