sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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