We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
