I CAN MOONWALK!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
