Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
