I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize