just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
