A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
