So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
