GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
