why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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