with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
