never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
