i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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