I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
