She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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