I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
