I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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