Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
