the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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