no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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