we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
