if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
