No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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