Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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