Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
