Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We're too hungover to prance.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
