textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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