every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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