walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
