Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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