Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
foreskin is a definite game changer
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
