1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
