She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
