thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
